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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|